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25 December 2011 @ 07:50 pm
kiss the baby sky  
Hello, hello, guys. メリークリスマス!As in every other year, my family and I are totally void of the festive mood and go about the day as per usual, hur hur. Believe it or not, we used to make a really huge deal out of it before - we had Christmas music blasting on the stereo, and my dad would always take a video of the unwrapping ceremony of not-so-secret presents. Some dorama happened a couple of years ago, though, and the tradition was broken since it coincidentally fell on Christmas day - so I'm not exactly sure that we're all lazing around in boredom due to vacation inertia or if we're simply caught in the smoke of past grievances. I mean, I used to be a really hyper kid who got up in the morning to blast the Bee Gees and dance around the living room by myself shamelessly. Now I get up and then sit down to turn on the computer. Yup.

But don't get me wrong, I'm actually in a pretty content mood today. The air is calm, though not entirely still after a little something in the morning, but I mean, a little breeze once in a while is nice, right? (*≧▽≦) My tolerance for upsetting things has upped since junior college - now that was frustrating.

Man, I've been in such a lazy mood lately. My days can be summarised in a couple of words: exercise, essay, loaf.

I'm actually pretty proud of my exercise regime... thingimaj- well okay, it's just skipping - but I honestly surprise myself that I haven't bummed around and stopped doing it daily just yet. When I started out, I couldn't even skip through a four minute song (uh I remember quite clearly my first song was Wedding Dress by Taeyang #insignificantdetails), but now I can skip for twenty minutes without stopping! (。◕‿◕。) Whoever once told me that exercising improves blood circulation, metabolism and ultimately your general mood is very right indeed! But whoever told me that it improves productivity evidently isn't, hehe.

I've started applying for universities, too! I'm applying for a couple of universities in the US, one of which is ten minutes away from cindy's home! Cool beans. But the actual probability of entering an overseas uni is actually really low, with my family's financial condition in mind. As much as I do pass it off as a huge waste, I have no qualms about staying in Singapore with my family and preventing the accumulation of more loans - since we, after all, do have quite a few to pay off. I've read too many horror stories of foreign scholars in elite courses still being unable to get a decent job to pay off their debts due to the terrible economy - especially in view of the fact that I'm going into a less popular industry... to be honest, I'm totally terrified here that I won't be able to secure a job. The fact that I'm the oldest kid isn't exactly helping either, and my sis seems to laze around a fair bit (uh, sorry sis). This is besides the point, though.

But well I don't know, I feel like I'm just trying to convince myself here, really. But I do have something to prove to myself, and if I do, by the intervention of some higher being out there, get accepted into a US uni and have to turn it down, I know it'll help mend that awful self esteem problem I've been trying to get rid of for ages. It might sound rather narrow-minded, but my biggest fear right now is regretting to do the best that I can - I know I felt this way when I didn't apply for the Humanities Programme in Raffles, which I most probably would have got accepted for if I wasn't lost in my haze of ignorance and thought I would have been satisfied status quo, with little motivation to push myself. Yup.

Bemoaning stressful issues aside, I've been having lots of fun lately! I've actually gotten down to do many things I shied away from before: I joined a TCG, which had always looked fun but rules I had deemed too complicated to stomach (it's actually really simple). Things have been stagnating in the comm because the runners are running into real life problems, so I couldn't really trade as madly as I wished to. (´;ω;`) but joyce and marge are there, coincidentally! They've helped me out a lot, so I'm going to stick around and ride it through.

I've also signed up for some roleplaying community, Aather, at Dreamwidth under uh... Sakata Gintoki, and his personality is so apart from me I don't even. But I'll think of that after I get in - apparently it takes "a few weeks to a few months" for the application pool to enter the community as slots open. How srs bsns is that? But it's a really active community, so that I'm really looking forward to. I think RPing and characterisation is really interesting; I played Fuuta once at some Reborn RP comm, but I totally wimped out because I was insecure of my ability to portray him (he's such a minor character too!) and took the easy way out by resigning after a while despite getting the role in the comm. orz

An old friend is also organising some sort of Oofuri anthology and invited me to participate! I'm really out of the Oofuri fandom, and I'm not exactly sure if this is actually going to happen, but there're already a small group of artists/writers involved. I'm taking this as a really good opportunity to start drawing a lot more, especially since I've been dying to draw a fanbook for my OTP's for ages but never got around to it. AbeMiha, ret's go! (`Д´)ノ I really need to start planning and storyboarding really soon. ;;;

On a total anticlimactic note, I went out with a couple of friends the other day to the east coast, and we rode this totally awesome bicycle-car which was very obviously a rip-off of poor tourists' cash! Evidently cheap thrills aren't as cheap as they suggest to be, and my buddies offered to subsidise my contribution of the total cost, ahahaha, but I was really touched by that, thanks so much guys. ❤

Don't you think it looks really pretty though? The Christmas decorations are so cheesy, but I felt like it was going to take us on a fantasy ride to faraway land complete with sparkles and fairies any moment. Of course, it just took us on a very bumpy ride, and the sky decided to be funny and rain on us. We thought the shelter would surely rid us of the need of a wet weather plan - not, apparently, as we had to dry off at the nearest Mac's for quite a while.

But man, that was quite the adventure. I also really want to draw this odd vehicle right now. I mean, steering wheels on a bicycle! How hilariously awesome is that.
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: キャンバス ♬ +Plus
catch the rainbow: [jojo] miles to go before i sleepdijeh on December 26th, 2011 11:26 am (UTC)
Merry Christmas again! Your Christmases used to sound so magical. I remember a time when I used to get excited too, although it kind of stopped when I was about 6 or 7...Now it's just another normal day, only with a few more decorations. Oh well, at least it's a holiday. Maybe we can make future Christmases happier! C:

And whoa, dude, didn't know you wanted to apply to a foreign uni! That's actually really cool! I don't know about Singapore, but my country's unis don't offer that many opportunities for the future, so studying abroad is a really useful thing to do. Maybe you can get a scholarship or something so you wouldn't have to worry about the taxes? Is that possible?

Roleplaying... I remember wanting to do this so badly a couple of years ago, but I always have this feeling in the back of my head that my interpretation of the characters might be different from other people's interpretations and then I'd make a fool out of myself and yeah. And then I lost interest and realised it's kind of...weird to me anyway? As a pastime, I mean. But getting (artistically) involved in fandom sounds cool! Lately, I've found myself wishing I hadn't given up drawing lessons all those years ago. Maybe I would have developed a style in the meantime. Maybe, yeah.
b e l ♛: frustrations / of the kawaii nekociette on December 28th, 2011 02:30 am (UTC)
man, becoming desensitised to christmas at such an age, you really are mature for your age (i.e. oyaji at heart), lex, hehe. but that's true, it's kinda depressing actually, not to be able to get hyped up over such little things anymore. yep, at least it's a day off! we need to start spazzing each other out when next christmas comes. C'MON AYUMU CHRISTMAS IS COMING I CAN'T WAIT I'M LOOPING JINGLE BELLS AS;LDFJKASDF and stuff like that, un un.

it really is, right? i'm quite aware of how foreign unis have a better reputation as well, and at the risk of sounding overly practical, that's what a lot of companies look at too. i'll be applying for as many scholarships as i can too, hopefully those somehow help me tide over! but i'm quite aware that most scholarships only offer a subsidy which is a percentage of the school fee excluding living costs, which i admit is rather demoralising. D:

I CAN RELATE TO THAT FEAR ENTIRELY, the same thing was running through my head the last time i roleplayed. it sounds like you have an interest in drawing! have you considered picking doodling up as a pasttime? o A o if you draw a little everyday, maybe you could start improving and creating your own style, it's certainly possible!
catch the rainbow: [jojo] miles to go before i sleepdijeh on December 28th, 2011 01:39 pm (UTC)
Well, I realised Santa doesn't exist when I was 5 or 6 and dad called one of his colleagues to play Santa for me, but he scared me shitless, hahaha. Doesn't help that mum wasn't around that night and I was a really shy kid. I don't think I ever believed in any of those kiddie tales anyway, like Santa, Easter Bunny (does anyone actually believe he's real I mean come on) or babies being brought by storks. I was such a mature young lad, ok! Oh man, that would be hilarious. HEY HIKARU LET ME PLAY LET IT SNOW FOR THE SIXTEENTH TIME IN A ROW I MEAN IT'S CHRISTMAS HEY AND BRING SOME PUNCH

I don't think sounding practical is a bad thing! That's what we're taught the moment we think about applying to unis over here, to be honest. It's a combination of do the things you like but make sure that'll actually bring some food on the table. Our scholarships suck. They're either too expensive or the teachers already have favourite students. I could have gotten an Erasmus scholarship in France, for example, but didn't have enough money to pay for rent. And food. And books. And transport. And a lot of other stuff. I wish you best of luck though!

Your suggestion sounds great! I'm not really sure how I'd be able to do it though, since the only things I've managed to successfully doodle when I'm bored are Decarabias. I have good visual memory, but everything goes to hell the moment I try to put it on paper. Oh well, ganbarimasu and all that.
b e l ♛: nero nero / what does that even meanciette on December 30th, 2011 10:35 am (UTC)
oh my gosh YOUR DAD HAHAHA. XDD that's hilariously sad. were you traumatised by santa? that's seriously the first i heard. oh man, my poor ayumu-kun. (pats) HAHA if the easter bunny was real i would be really traumatised. BABIES BROUGHT MY STORKS TOO. isn't that stork a cot snatcher?! creepy. i've never really believed in them either - ayumu, we're either very mature beings or... just way too cynical. AHHHHH PUNCHU? OKAY?!?! /PUNCHES/ by the way, am i the only one who feels creeped by "i saw my mom kissing santa claus"? what if it wasn't the dad? I MEAN. D": my mum is kissing this fat oyaji in red in the middle of the night......

that's a huge waste about that scholarships, bb. ;_; and the thing about favouritism is terrible, please don't tell me it happens frequently! that's not fair to so many other students. ;_; oh gosh, YES living expenses a huge problem! the problem about a good deal of scholarships that they don't take that into consideration, so most candidates can't go over anyway. ._. i don't know, it just doesn't feel enough. thanks my dear♥! i foresee similar results over here, though. orz ;asdfjksdf.

WHAT IS THAT that is terrifying. it's from... persona? you're one warped child my friend. now i really wouldn't want to have those creepy eye things on my lecture notes. a good visual memory is a great start! all that you have to do is practice! i, on the other hand, have a pretty bad visual memory! XD
catch the rainbow: [utena] ◉∀◉dijeh on January 4th, 2012 01:44 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it was kind of awkward! And then I had to suffer through the same thing every Christmas in kindergarten with a different santa every year. Man, I'd always be all red and answer with a reeeaaally small voice and aagh, I used to be so shy. Hmmm, cot snatcher? First I've heard of it, lol. BUT YOUR BABIES BROUGHT YOUR STORKS AHAHAHAHAAHH I'm so going to make fun of you now, hahahahah. Well, maybe we were less sheltered when it comes to this kind of stuff? I'm glad I've always known where babies come from or that thing about Santa, because one of my friends believed in Santa until 14 or 15 and that's embarrassing, to be honest. Oh crap, I never even considered dad being Santa! What are you doing mum stop kissing random old strangers ewww

Well, it's worse in high-school, but still happens in college. Not that frequent, but still. It sucks.

But it's cute what are you talking about. And yes, it's actually from the (Shin) Megami Tensei multiverse! If you think Decarabia is creepy...Persephone, Catoblepas, Barong, Kraken, Bael. And these guys are nothing compared to other designs, I tell you. Oh well, that's why I love Kaneko Kazuma, he's got great imagination.
b e l ♛: AHAHAHAHA / please dieciette on January 6th, 2012 09:17 am (UTC)
STOP STOP STOP THAT IS A TYPO I DAREN'T EVEN LOOK AT MY TYPO SO EMBARRASSING DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME HIDOI. wow 15 is really late. he must have been a really innocent kid. :| with bad lying people around him ahahaha. WAIT you didn't think it was dad? omg ayumu your mind is freaky well done ♥

damn D: i hope there aren't students running around trying to gain the favour of teachers and status of teacher's pet. because that would be extremely annoying and skew the system even more.

OH GOSH FREAKY SHIT. but I really really like persephone's design. i love umm bael too! i think designs rooting in the human form and screwing it up is absolutely intriguing. that guy is so amazing *_* also, warped. but that's a subset of awesome.
catch the rainbow: [utena] ◉∀◉dijeh on January 7th, 2012 03:28 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHA ARE YOU EMBARRASSED NOW ARE YOU ARE YOU. Yeah..it's a she, by the way! And her parents I think didn't bother to tell her the truth and she found out from her classmates. (oh and sorry if I repeat stuff; bad memory is bad) Well, the song does mention dad later so I thought. Uh. Well, sorry? Hahaha, did I ruin the song

Thankfully, there aren't, or at least I haven't seen them doing this. But there are some obvious cases, like a girl who should have been expelled because she has barely attended a few classes, yet she's still here. Who knows how many wonders can those parents do.

Yes, I love Persephone's design too! It's a great take on her myth. Have some more, because: Echidna, Rangda, Taraka, Flauros, Tiamat and Abaddon. Mouths hehehehe.

Edited at 2012-01-07 03:29 pm (UTC)
b e l ♛ciette on January 8th, 2012 05:16 pm (UTC)
;_______; I HATE YOU AYUMU BUT WHY ARE YOU STILL MY IDOL /cue shoujo sparkles
... lol her parents are such trolls. nah it's okay, i don't think you did! wait, it does? i think... i've never heard the whole song in my life. HAHA. gosh deprivation

oh goodness did her parents bribe the school? that's horrendous D: D: but i have schools here which do the same - parents bribe school, school lets student in though their marks don't actually make the pass. it's a minority, and mostly private schools, but it still happens too.

OMG THAT MOUTH WHY DO YOU REMIND ME OF HAN- ehhem. anyway THE FIRST ONE SCARED ME SO BADLY. gosh this guy is warped but oh so wonderful