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06 December 2011 @ 04:21 pm
stream of consciousness  
Hello, it's been a long time! This is the me who has pretty much turned hikikomori and socially stupid after months of hanging out with my best buddies, my studies. I was trying to emulate my O-levels determination where I hardly touched any form of recreation at all, so I banned sites involving most social media, k-pop, tumblr and all that jazz but of course it just had to backfire. (´;ω;`) I wound up creating a weheartit and last.fm, so do add me if you have an account there too! After I revamped my flavors recently, I realised now I have more useless sites added to the list then ever, whut. I must admit I overindulge in impracticalities a little too much...

My writing has started to become rather rusty, and I'm back to that phase where I feel a little uncomfortable talking about myself - time to change that and journal more often again. Here's some things I've been up to!

1. had an awesome birthday
I managed to pull out some time to celebrate with joel, who bears the same birthday with me, along with my cute tree, kome, this year. I have brought a lot of trouble to you guys this year with my problematic personality and my persistent vulnerability to illnesses, I'm really really sorry. Thanks for staying with me even so, I love you guys. ❤ On two other occasions, I also met up with a few secondary school classmates who have never forgotten me even despite very brief contact over the past two years because of our hectic lifestyles. For that, I'm unendingly thankful too.(≧v≦●)

We went to a Japanese sweets and desserts buffet (and also where I swore to bring cindy to if she ever comes to Singapore!), and I still can't get enough of it! It's a small, quaint place which serves a free flow of sweets and desserts, but also odd Western dishes like takoyaki pastaaaaa. Man that tasted good. If I don't make it as an artist, I'm so going to become a food photographer. (。✧‿✧。)

2. completed my art coursework, and with that
3. had my senior end-of-year art exhibition

thumbnails of my digital painting series, "Sub Rosa"

Ah, coursework; my first real school-based art project and hence, biggest achievement, but also my hugest shame. This year has been horrible - due to my ineptitude to progress in the right direction for my coursework, I spent a good deal of months stagnating, limiting myself by repeatedly by imposing my own assumptions about art class onto myself. "Art must look realistic", "art must take reference in everything" - I had so many opportunities to utilise my imagination (which is also where my love for art really is), but I ran away from it instead. By the time I caught up, it was already June, and I had wasted too much time trying to keep afloat rather than going forwards. At many times I simply couldn't imagine myself completing the work at all.

But somehow, with (a little too) many tears and plenty of (both metaphorical and literal) blood, I did. The day of submission brought some lingering emptiness and disappointment - not that I had time to hold onto that; almost immediately after was hitting the books. While the rest of the school had months to prepare, I only had a month, and it was a do-or-die on the actual exam itself. In addition to my most traumatising prelim exams' grades (which I had no time to study for), the most hopeless feeling overcame me, like I had hit rock bottom but didn't have enough time to surface for a breath. I'm so glad it's over.

I'm still not happy with my coursework outcome. I frequently have to consciously quell that feeling of self-disgust and tides of dispiritedness. The art exhibition was an ego-booster - I honestly cannot describe how exhilarating it is for people to be curious about your work. I'm still uncomfortable about public speaking, but this was different. After all those months of self-accusation, this made it worth it. This is another facet of art which I've never experienced while I was still secretly doodling animu characters just two years back, and I'm just starting to fall in love with.

My biggest dilemma to taking art as a subject was growing to hate it when I couldn't meet with standards, or if it became an obligation - I'm glad this never happened. I'm planning to apply an art university next year, and hopefully, this will hold true even then. (❀◡‿◡。)

On a more frivolous note: well okay, blood was only shed because I was chopping tape and, quite miraculously, missed while setting up my paintings, but still. Also, after some research on the paper my paintings should be printed on, my teacher and I decided to settle for Hahnemuhle Museum Etching paper, which is 100+$ per A2 piece, no kidding. And seeing as I had six paintings... I was standing in its midst after set up and feeling utterly overwhelmed. Of course, the cost was covered by the school, hur hur. ε(๑◕ ω ◕๑)з

4. completed my A's and SATs
Another of the most horrific experiences - most of the days before my papers were spent tossing and turning, victim to insomnia and nightmares, and while a few papers were slightly satisfying, most were pure torture. Even now, I'm getting nightmares about scenarios where I couldn't finish my H3 Art paper. (shivers)
But after some introspection, the exams were definitely not as painful as its preparation, where the waiting came without an end in sight.

aaaand on a more trivial note, 5. fandommmmm
Remember how I said I isolated myself from k-pop? Well not as planned, I got back into animanga (which I naively thought I wouldn't get addicted to again), when it seems that most people I know have moved on from. It's kind of sad to be keyboard-smashing all alone, y'know. (๑◕︵◕๑) Anyone who happens to be into Reborn, Nabari no Ou, Gintama, please raise your hands... excitedly.
But one thing I realised after two years, was that... my tastes have changed a lot. I mean, Gintoki suddenly seems a lot more attractive compared to my impression of him as the useless oyaji I thought he was before. Hibari who seemed pretty overrated suddenly does have some charm - which only goes to show that my younger sister probably has had a more mature taste than myself, oops. But hey, I'm growing up! My interest no longer solely lies in cute little boy characters with shorts and high socks anymore! orz

I think my update could be pretty much summed up in: tl;dr, I tried my best and most probably failed in all areas. But it's okay, it's only been about three days of freedom and I'm kicking it off like a boss with eight-hour The Sims 3 sessions and movies and... not eating because I put on some weight during the exams, damn. But I could sure get used to this. \m/(︶ε︶メ)\m/
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: ファミリア♬ D-51
b e l ♛ciette on April 24th, 2012 05:23 am (UTC)
ROFL I know, right. They have such professional voices that I'm pretty sure they could sing anime OPs - sure enough, companies scout them a lot and quite a few have debut and sung OPs and EDs for real anime. SO AMAZING ;A; A;LDKJASD

Oh god, that's expensive!! It's such a pity, us poor people. ;A; remember what we said about the comfort of our home, easy access to toilets etc? YES.
I didn't seeeee ;A; I must go look them up. I must admit I'm pretty badly updated with SuJu these days. orz WHAT TT A TT oh god, he must feel terrible. Henry's going to be there, right? Poor mimi D:
numbuh_009numbuh_009 on May 16th, 2012 10:58 pm (UTC)
So apparently there is going to be a FREE kpop concert in Northern California this Monday with Super Junior! But I realized that the cost of getting up there will be even more than just buying a ticket to SMTown ;A; Curse you, cruel fate! Toilets, food, comfort...

Sadly, I'm not keeping up much with SuJu nowadays either ;A; I feel terrible about it, but there are so many groups coming back and debuting...
b e l ♛ciette on June 4th, 2012 12:49 pm (UTC)
oh my goodness, since when did suju give out free concerts?! ;A; but i think it helps a lot that they're trying to promote to european/american countries so maybe there'll be more chances! to places closer to where you are too ;A; toilets are important...

indeed ;A; i'm glad for you to keep me up with b1a4 and dalmation at the very least LOL. i must admit, once i started drawing again, i somehow got back into animanga more orz
numbuh_009numbuh_009 on June 5th, 2012 08:29 pm (UTC)
IKR? I feel that this free concert is a one time thing as we all know how SM is with earning money ;A; But I anticipate that this means there will be more kpop coming to America in the future :D (indoor plumbing is perhaps humankind's greatest invention)

I know what you mean! The times when kpop loses its hold on me, I pretty much always turn back to reading manga!
b e l ♛ciette on June 6th, 2012 12:04 pm (UTC)
Gosh yes, I hope so too! I'm also hoping for a real SM Town in Singapore one day ;A; we've had SJ come here, but imagine bringing the entire company down here for a performance? I think that's really awesome. I hope the same applies for America too! All that eyecandy must be shared oho ♥ (FOR SRS. HAVE YOU SEEN THE ONE'S CHINA? I AM HAPPY TO BE BORN HERE ;A;)

Hehehe indeed! Damn, why are Japan and Korea's cultures so awesome? ;A; I'd never get bored if I was half Japanese and half Korean LOL
numbuh_009numbuh_009 on June 13th, 2012 09:13 am (UTC)
That'd be cool! I think SM is finally getting that fans want concerts, haha. I hope you'd be able to afford it if they do :D SPREAD THE JOY AND LOVE \o/ (OMG, no, and I hope I never have to use one OTL)

IKR? They have such vibrant and interesting cultures that just draw people in (although all Asian cultures are interesting to me, TBH). LOL, then you'd be even more awesome then you already are. Wait, is that possible? I think not.
b e l ♛ciette on June 18th, 2012 02:06 pm (UTC)
ME TOO!! waving lightsticks! buying merchandise!! GURL that sounds too amazing imo * A 8 ♥ though of course. toilets are important too. (since it's likely that i won't be able to afford it a;ldfjkasfd)
(AND YES IKR. manual flushing? just not my thing ;A;)

i know right, i think we're all drawn towards asian cultures because it's so close to our heritage so we can relate to it, yet so much more different and interesting too! PSHHH OH YOU♥ that's my line bb!! /TACKLEHUGS YOU
numbuh_009numbuh_009 on June 27th, 2012 09:03 pm (UTC)
I would so buy merchandise at the concert, even if it's ridiculously overpriced! So there was suppose to be a kpop concert close to where I live and I was all pumped because Secret and Sistar, my favorite girl groups, were going to be there. But apparently, it has been postponed and there has been no news ever since ;A;

Agreed! The culture has a hint of familiarity, yet it is vastly different! Random: I've always wanted to go to one of those summer Japanese festivals wearing a yukata and eating street food and catching goldfish...*showers you with luuuurve*