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06 December 2011 @ 04:21 pm
stream of consciousness  
Hello, it's been a long time! This is the me who has pretty much turned hikikomori and socially stupid after months of hanging out with my best buddies, my studies. I was trying to emulate my O-levels determination where I hardly touched any form of recreation at all, so I banned sites involving most social media, k-pop, tumblr and all that jazz but of course it just had to backfire. (´;ω;`) I wound up creating a weheartit and last.fm, so do add me if you have an account there too! After I revamped my flavors recently, I realised now I have more useless sites added to the list then ever, whut. I must admit I overindulge in impracticalities a little too much...

My writing has started to become rather rusty, and I'm back to that phase where I feel a little uncomfortable talking about myself - time to change that and journal more often again. Here's some things I've been up to!

1. had an awesome birthday
I managed to pull out some time to celebrate with joel, who bears the same birthday with me, along with my cute tree, kome, this year. I have brought a lot of trouble to you guys this year with my problematic personality and my persistent vulnerability to illnesses, I'm really really sorry. Thanks for staying with me even so, I love you guys. ❤ On two other occasions, I also met up with a few secondary school classmates who have never forgotten me even despite very brief contact over the past two years because of our hectic lifestyles. For that, I'm unendingly thankful too.(≧v≦●)

We went to a Japanese sweets and desserts buffet (and also where I swore to bring cindy to if she ever comes to Singapore!), and I still can't get enough of it! It's a small, quaint place which serves a free flow of sweets and desserts, but also odd Western dishes like takoyaki pastaaaaa. Man that tasted good. If I don't make it as an artist, I'm so going to become a food photographer. (。✧‿✧。)

2. completed my art coursework, and with that
3. had my senior end-of-year art exhibition

thumbnails of my digital painting series, "Sub Rosa"

Ah, coursework; my first real school-based art project and hence, biggest achievement, but also my hugest shame. This year has been horrible - due to my ineptitude to progress in the right direction for my coursework, I spent a good deal of months stagnating, limiting myself by repeatedly by imposing my own assumptions about art class onto myself. "Art must look realistic", "art must take reference in everything" - I had so many opportunities to utilise my imagination (which is also where my love for art really is), but I ran away from it instead. By the time I caught up, it was already June, and I had wasted too much time trying to keep afloat rather than going forwards. At many times I simply couldn't imagine myself completing the work at all.

But somehow, with (a little too) many tears and plenty of (both metaphorical and literal) blood, I did. The day of submission brought some lingering emptiness and disappointment - not that I had time to hold onto that; almost immediately after was hitting the books. While the rest of the school had months to prepare, I only had a month, and it was a do-or-die on the actual exam itself. In addition to my most traumatising prelim exams' grades (which I had no time to study for), the most hopeless feeling overcame me, like I had hit rock bottom but didn't have enough time to surface for a breath. I'm so glad it's over.

I'm still not happy with my coursework outcome. I frequently have to consciously quell that feeling of self-disgust and tides of dispiritedness. The art exhibition was an ego-booster - I honestly cannot describe how exhilarating it is for people to be curious about your work. I'm still uncomfortable about public speaking, but this was different. After all those months of self-accusation, this made it worth it. This is another facet of art which I've never experienced while I was still secretly doodling animu characters just two years back, and I'm just starting to fall in love with.

My biggest dilemma to taking art as a subject was growing to hate it when I couldn't meet with standards, or if it became an obligation - I'm glad this never happened. I'm planning to apply an art university next year, and hopefully, this will hold true even then. (❀◡‿◡。)

On a more frivolous note: well okay, blood was only shed because I was chopping tape and, quite miraculously, missed while setting up my paintings, but still. Also, after some research on the paper my paintings should be printed on, my teacher and I decided to settle for Hahnemuhle Museum Etching paper, which is 100+$ per A2 piece, no kidding. And seeing as I had six paintings... I was standing in its midst after set up and feeling utterly overwhelmed. Of course, the cost was covered by the school, hur hur. ε(๑◕ ω ◕๑)з

4. completed my A's and SATs
Another of the most horrific experiences - most of the days before my papers were spent tossing and turning, victim to insomnia and nightmares, and while a few papers were slightly satisfying, most were pure torture. Even now, I'm getting nightmares about scenarios where I couldn't finish my H3 Art paper. (shivers)
But after some introspection, the exams were definitely not as painful as its preparation, where the waiting came without an end in sight.

aaaand on a more trivial note, 5. fandommmmm
Remember how I said I isolated myself from k-pop? Well not as planned, I got back into animanga (which I naively thought I wouldn't get addicted to again), when it seems that most people I know have moved on from. It's kind of sad to be keyboard-smashing all alone, y'know. (๑◕︵◕๑) Anyone who happens to be into Reborn, Nabari no Ou, Gintama, please raise your hands... excitedly.
But one thing I realised after two years, was that... my tastes have changed a lot. I mean, Gintoki suddenly seems a lot more attractive compared to my impression of him as the useless oyaji I thought he was before. Hibari who seemed pretty overrated suddenly does have some charm - which only goes to show that my younger sister probably has had a more mature taste than myself, oops. But hey, I'm growing up! My interest no longer solely lies in cute little boy characters with shorts and high socks anymore! orz

I think my update could be pretty much summed up in: tl;dr, I tried my best and most probably failed in all areas. But it's okay, it's only been about three days of freedom and I'm kicking it off like a boss with eight-hour The Sims 3 sessions and movies and... not eating because I put on some weight during the exams, damn. But I could sure get used to this. \m/(︶ε︶メ)\m/
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: ファミリア♬ D-51
catch the rainbow: [terra e] shiroe more like shimoedijeh on February 4th, 2012 12:12 pm (UTC)
Yup, Hibari is a good example! Or, since I've been reading G.R.R.Martin lately, his characters from A Song of Ice and Fire. I could have sworn I had a title in mind regarding subverted character tropes, but I just can't remember it. I blame the things I have to read for my exams. Oh! Lol, I remembered. Persona 2's characters. They're seriously not what they appear to be in the beginning. I also love it when writers use a tiiiiny trope and go in a completely different direction, creating a new type of characters. I don't like putting them under strict classifications, it takes away all the fun, imo.

Hahaha, the art's got its charm though! At first I thought it was horrendously ugly, but I got used to it. I mean, Ryuukishi can't draw to save his life, but comparing the VN sprites to the PSP ones...I don't know, the latter seem too plastic-y and devoid of life. They're too polished. And if you think his Umineko art is :|, you should take a look at the Higurashi designs. Holy shit, I can say those are objectively bad. The Higurashi connection is strenuous at best. There is a novel named "Higurashi" mentioned in the first episode, which is true, because in one of the Higurashi universes, the events do end up as the subject of a novel, and then there's Bernkastel who has the same name as one of Rika's alternate personalities. And Hanyuu, who is now a grown-up lady and aaagh, that's kind of complicated to explain. I think it's best to consider Umineko a parallel universe where some Higurashi parts ended up. (SPOILER: in Higurashi Rika is travelling between kakera or alternate realities and she develops an alter ego named Bernkastel. It's possible that Bernkastel got bored and started travelling herself. There's also Lambdadelta, another witch, who is considered to be the alter ego of Takano Miyo, another Higurashi character. It's seriously confusing, and the ending doesn't help at all)

b e l ♛ciette on February 5th, 2012 12:10 pm (UTC)
oh, i remember you mentioning that you were reading that book! and persona is sounding so good * A * i've already started searching for download links because my schedule is starting to loosen up a little. i like that, as well! it's almost like a tiny parody of tropes of sorts. imo, many authors riding on tropes, not only uncreative, i think they might be pretty lazy? =x lots of shoujo/bl manga these days are great examples, though there are fair share of series which try to subvert tropes, but can't help doing it in similar way that even the subversion becomes a trope... if you know what i mean. i guess it really is hard to be entirely original.

speaking of games, has skyrim been popular in romania? this game has been sweeping my facebook pages for miles to go once it was released, and the graphics look pretty good * 3 * /random

i just checked out the higurashi designs! um... orz no comment. i guess the plot must have been really powerful to make it to the anime screens though - that took care of the prettifying bits. i kinda agree with you about vn sprites though. those are passable but hardly exciting - they're aesthetically okay, but easily forgotten because they're not visually interesting. oh god ayumu anything after the spoiler tag -- i got thoroughly confused XDDD but i had no idea they were parallel universes! i just thought they were made by collaborating authors/artists, because they're always marketed together. is there some kind of... timeline? like which one comes first?
catch the rainbow: [got] no ser we do not want a roomdijeh on February 10th, 2012 11:59 am (UTC)
*series. I'm at the third book now and it's huge! I wish I could just stay in bed all day and read it because there are so many interesting things going on, yet I have no time...;_; Yay! Tell me if you're going to need help! I was thinking those authors might be lazy too, although there's that thing about integrity and all. I guess there are indeed many reasons these tropes are perpetuated and loved so much -- they've been around for a long time, people are comfortable with what they find familiar and are not motivated enough to try out new things, writers (especially new ones) are afraid their books won't sell or are forced by the editors to change stuff. I think authors just need to pick up the courage and do something fresh, otherwise we'll be drowning in this type of bad tropes. Not to mention there are a lot of writers with connections and these connection allow even the most cliche and idiotic ideas to get to the general public. And speaking of the public, things like Sandra Brown novels or Twilight or whatever sell so much because their target audience is the most numerous among general readers. Unfortunately. Also, I agree about subversion becoming a trope! Like, you have the seemingly badass dangerous guy who in reality likes lemon cakes and puppies. It's just..difficult to come up with something new, after thousands of years of literature.

I honestly have no idea! I think it is pretty popular though, we tend to jump on popular games easily, haha. I want to play it too, it looks really good and it's got dragons! I love what I've seen of the mythos too. These type of pseudo-medieval fantasy stories are always interesting, imo.

DID YOU LIKE THOSE BOXING GLOVE HANDS. The plot is...all right? It goes full retard at the end, but the mysterious atmosphere in the beginning was what made it very popular. Higurashi and Umineko were indeed written and illustrated by the same guy, but, yeah, the parallel universes thing is really confusing. Chronologically, Higurashi is first. I think the main story takes place in 1983 or so, with some flashbacks and Umineko three years later. I'd say they're both worth a read, especially because of the atmosphere in the earlier episodes. In any case, no matter which ending happens in Higurashi (dead/alive/exploded/mad), it will always be over before Umineko and will never affect it.